Bun Quest

So…remember when you used to read Seventeen Magazine and they have those “most embarrassing” moment stories? I have a winner, I’ll just pretend that I’m writing in to them.

“So like OMG, today at, um, lunch…I was walking out to my car and I was all “my butt feels cold”, but then I was like “what-ev”. So when I got in my car I realized that I had like; leaked something all over my lady bits/butt! I totally freaked. OMG, does the entire office think I like wet myself? I’ll called the midwife, she had me come in and stuff to double check that it was all like, you know, normal out flow, it was, no biggie…it’s just that I like, have my own rad faucet!”

****All kidding aside, while we were at the midwife’s office she was trying to get Julia’s heartbeat on the doppler but Julia kept moving. The midwife says “calm down I’m just trying to measure your heartbeat.” A second later Julia straight up head butted the doppler off my stomach! Ha! Who’s the boss?!

So today was the first day of week 20. I woke up to find my “abs” sore. Not kinda sore, very sore. I mean seriously, did I do 8 minute abs in my sleep? I thought about calling the midwife but didn’t, Julia was above average active today so I chalked it up to growing pains. Speaking of growing…behold the belly! Please excuse the nasty camera flash, I didn’t realize how bad it was until I laid down to blog…and I’m not using my grossly distended/torn ab muscles to heave myself out of bed and back over to the mirror for another picture.

Our quad screen came back negative, so that’s a huge relief!

Julia’s Room!!!

Juila’s Crib Pillow (deco only) and “Security Blanket”

I don’t recall ever “unleashing it” on a fertile person/couple…but I just couldn’t believe that I managed to sit through the encounter I’m about to recall without bestowing an epic smack down on the offender.

***

This woman, whom I’ve met professionally a handful of times (because I’m the lucky winner who gets to clean up behind her trail of destruction) entered my quadricle (4 person cubicle) which houses another woman, myself, and a man and began her sentence with…”I went to get an IUD put in yesterday”.

In that instant I thought “shit, she’s talking…to me”, I felt my female co-worker cringe on the inside, and my male co-worker probably started turning various shades of purple. She continued “and I was all set ’cause I had started my cycle and they explained that was the best time to put one in, but the nurse came in and said ‘guess what, we can’t put the IUD in because your pregnant.” She drags on with her story and how it’s just a chemical pregnancy and she’s so grateful because they don’t want another baby, they have enough already (2 or 3), and she wishes her husband would stay away with his super sperm, etc. etc. She went on and on about how crazy it was that she got (oops!) pregnant and how excited she was about her miscarriage for 5 – 10 minutes. I sat and nodded, smiling to be nice etc. URGH.

Things that were wrong with the above situation.

1. Males, esp. those you don’t know and really even those you do, do not want to hear about your ob/gyn conditions. Really, I swear, they don’t.

2. Random acquaintances don’t either.

I try to cut fertiles a break, because they don’t know any better, they don’t mean it, and most of the time their comments are well intentioned. But this crap was a whole new level.

While I’m ranting, I’ll go ahead and post “things I learned from infertility.” They are in no particular order.

1. Do not ask “when” people will have children. I’m undecided if it’s ok to ask “if” people plan to have kids (inclusive of adopting), but I’m sure that “when” is an awful question. It’s akin to asking “when will you be having sex?”

2. Do not ask people with twins “are they natural?” Well, they’re human beings, so one would think so.

3. Pregnancy after infertility is harder than you think it will be. Not that one would choose the alternative, but your life won’t magically be all roses once you’re pregnant, rosier – hell yeah, but not without some feelings of guilt etc.

4. Don’t judge people’s choice of conception methods, no one can know the pain of infertility and the perception failure at nature’s most important task.

5. Because infertility is such a difficult thing, if the topic of conversation comes up to kids…walk on egg shells or not at all. Especially since 1 out of 6 couples struggles with infertility.

6. Do not bring kids to the RE office/clinic unless they have a shirt/onsie on that says “IVF Success” and even then, think twice.

7. Understand that “when” you’ll have kids is not up to you. You can’t make it happen in all cases, you can’t stop it in all cases. Case in point, my HLM’s (hetero life mate) sister got pregnant underage and on the pill. My HLM had largely unprotected (monogamous) sex for bordering on 7 years before conceiving “the old fashioned way”.

8. Infertility is a medical condition. Treat it like you would any other diagnosis. Take care of the symptoms/cause.

9. If you’re having fertility issues, find other people who are too. You need support and perspective.

10. The extreme fear of needles can be overcome.

So, my Mom gave me a Nordstrom gift card for Mother’s Day which was originally intended for me to buy a bigger bra, but I’m proud/strike that, extremely proud to say that I’ve outgrown “normal” sizes.  Anyway, I decided to buy some things for Julia instead!

Drool bib!

Lil’ Girlie Bow and Pacifier!

Stroller Straps! (You velcro these to the handle bars and then clip the diaper bag on/off)

Julia says, “Thanks Grandma!”

Ok, so I’ve been very discreet about the MD’s we’ve used, the midwife, the doula etc. But I must “out” our hospital. It’s “Big” Baylor in Downtown. You see we went for our labor and delivery tour last night and learned that all of the following are “policies” at Big Baylor. These are unique to Baylor when compared to hospitals in our area. I assumed that many of these things would be insisted on by our midwife but did not know that the hospital is so amazing that they have actually instituted the following policies.

1. Have as many people as you want…or don’t want.

2. No routine IV’s.

3. No routine continuous fetal monitoring. Intermittent only.

4. No restrictions on clothing (i.e. you don’t have to wear a gown).

5. Walking, birth ball, rocking chair, tub, shower all actively encouraged in labor.

6. Pain meds not offered. Ever. But available upon request. Once requested they guarantee to “get you comfortable” in 15 minutes or 3 contractions.

7. Designated nurse.

8. Upon delivery, baby is placed skin to skin on Mom’s chest. Vernix is not removed as it acts as a hunger cue.

9. Once placenta is delivered, baby is weighed (again, not washed) in room and handed back to Mom. Lactation specialist then assists in attempt to breastfeed within one hour after birth. 85% of moms breastfeed successfully.

10. Holding of baby is restricted to Mom and Dad (skin to skin) for the first hour to provide for warmth.

11. 7 – 8 hours after deliver, Dad gives baby Leboyer bath.

12. Post-partum care is “couplet care” same nurse for Mom and baby.

13. Only nursery (aside from the level 3 NICU) is a “kangaroo care”, meaning you can ask the baby to be taken while you accomplish short tasks (like showering/nap etc.) If baby exhibits hunger cues while in their care, they bring baby to you for breastfeeding. They do not offer sugar water, formula, etc.

14. Strict, mega strict, security.

15. Entire hospital is Wi-Fi!!!

Oh, and their gift store sells these ridiculously cute tights…

Nursery paint scheme!!!

Crib

Changing Table

Rocking Chair

Julia!!!!! Our baby girl!!!! I know she look’s slightly skeletor/alien (you’re looking at her face and you can see that she has her arm reaching up to touch the top of her head), but I was surprised we got to keep any pictures since technically there was no medical reason for the sonogram and the midwife convinced a MD to do it! We are so excited and have ordered nursery furniture and started registering (I’ll post all that when I get home from work today) and I need to fill everyone in on our super fantastic labor and delivery tour!