Ode to the Baker (with some help from Salt N Pepa)

Believe it or not, I’m not taking any drugs today. This is a rare moment of clarity, I will use it wisely and post this very public message to the Baker who won’t be with me this Valentine’s Day!

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Dear Baker:

I promise that I will torture you with the following rousing rendition of Salt N Pepa out loud. Walter and Hannah have been monitoring my vocal progress and are terrifically excited for your reaction!!! Happy Valentine’s love muffin….this is your song!

**********

I wanna take a minute or two, and give much respect due

To the man that’s made a difference in my world

And although most men are ho’s he flows on the down low

Cuz I never heard about him with another girl

But I don’t sweat it because it’s just pathetic

To let it get me involved in that he said/she said crowd

I know that ain’t nobody perfect, I give props to those who deserve it

And believe me y’all, he’s worth it

So here’s to the future cuz we got through the past

I finally found somebody that can make me laugh

(Ha ha ha) You so crazy

I DEFINITELY I wanna have your baby

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

My man is smooth like Barry, and his voice got bass

A body like Dirk with a Conan wave

He’s smart like a doctor with a real good rep

And when he comes home he’s relaxed with Pep

He always got a gift for me everytime I see him

A lot of snot-nosed ex-flames couldn’t be him

He never ran a corny line once to me yet

So I give him stuff that he’ll never forget

He keeps me on Cloud Nine just like the Temps

He’s not a fake wannabe tryin’ to be a pimp

He dresses like a dapper don, but even in jeans

He’s a God-sent original, the man of my dreams

Yes, my man says he loves me, never says he loves me not

Tryin’ to rush me good and touch me in the right spot

See other guys that I’ve had, they tried to play all that mac shit

But every time they tried I said, “That’s not it”

But not this man, he’s got the right potion

Baby, rub it down and make it smooth like lotion

Yeah, the ritual, highway to heaven

From seven to seven he’s got me open like Seven Eleven

And yes, it’s me that he’s always choosin’

With him I’m never losin’, and he knows that my name is not Sumera

He always has heavy conversation for the mind

Which means a lot to me cuz good men are hard to find

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

My man gives real loving that’s why I call him Killer

He’s not a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am, he’s a thriller

He takes his time and does everything right

Knocks me out with one shot for the rest of the night

He’s a real smooth brother, never in a rush

And he gives me goose pimples with every single touch

Spends quality time with his pets when he can

Secure in his manhood cuz he’s a real man

A lover and a fighter and he’ll knock a knocker out

Don’t take him for a sucker cuz that’s not what he’s about

Every time I need him, he always got my back

Never disrespectful cuz his mama taught him that

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

What a man, what a man, what a man

What a mighty good man

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