The Vampire

We spent 3 hours at the midwife’s office today. It was your standard pre-natal (I assume), I asked A LOT of questions, she asked a lot of questions, pelvic exam, pap, breast exam, fetal heart beat (for 3 seconds until the poor little one went into hiding), and…blood work. I do not like blood work. But thanks to IVF I consider it a minor inconvenience. A small sting. A minor discomfort. Not today. Today my blood was drawn viciously removed from my right BOTH arms.

Normal blood draw:

Small sting.

Painless waiting.

Pressure while the needle is pulled out.

Band-aid, done.

When Bloodcula Queen of all Phlebotomists takes your blood:


More sting as you feel the needle being forced further into your vein/arm.

Deep bruised, searing type pain as the needle is FORCED even further in.

You become light headed and on the utter verge of vomiting.

The pain increases.

You cry. You must. You simply cannot help it. You can’t believe this, that it hurt.

The needle is removed.

Your disturbed husband intervenes, “is that all you need?”

Bloodcula replies, “no.”

You blurt out, “are you fucking serious?” (and can’t believe that you’ve said the “f word” out loud after successfully removing it from your vocabulary for what seems like forever)

You continue crying and provide your other arm against your better judgment.

Bloodcula misses the vein in your last “good arm.”

You tell her she must get this done and over, quickly and ask if she is using a butterfly needle (as is customary for modern medical science).

Bloodcula says she is not. SHE prefers vacutainers alone.

She finally hits your vein (again), it hurts but not like her first try.

It’s over. You determine to wear garlic around your neck to your next visit. This is the last time Bloodcula will come near you.

Other than that (and once the bruises form, I’ll post pictures), things were great. Next appt. is May 5th to hear the fetal heart beat.


1 Response so far »

  1. 1

    Denise said,

    Ick. Sorry about the bad sticks. Had one of those myself this morning.

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