Well – I’ve had a whole day to process now, and I’m most bothered by the fact that I’m not more bothered by this chemical pg. Does it suck? Of course. But, I’m very proud that during this last cycle I prayed only for God’s will, I did not pray the desperate begging, pleading prayers of the Julia cycle. And while the outcome was not a real live baby, having prayed only for God’s will has left me with peace. For a chronic worrier like me, that’s HUGE. For the past day I have been thanking God for His peace and His plan, and then I think about “the loss” and try to worry about it, but I can’t…it’s like there’s some kind of spiritual, Star Wars-esque, force field that is preventing my brain from worrying. For the first time in my life I can honestly say that it feels good to not be in control.


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