Better

Well – I’ve had a whole day to process now, and I’m most bothered by the fact that I’m not more bothered by this chemical pg. Does it suck? Of course. But, I’m very proud that during this last cycle I prayed only for God’s will, I did not pray the desperate begging, pleading prayers of the Julia cycle. And while the outcome was not a real live baby, having prayed only for God’s will has left me with peace. For a chronic worrier like me, that’s HUGE. For the past day I have been thanking God for His peace and His plan, and then I think about “the loss” and try to worry about it, but I can’t…it’s like there’s some kind of spiritual, Star Wars-esque, force field that is preventing my brain from worrying. For the first time in my life I can honestly say that it feels good to not be in control.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: