Bun Quest

When you have a desire so deep in your being to have a little “y’all”, a little piece of both of you, to hold and cherish and pinch little fat rolls, that you will endure being “punctured” by the instrument pictured below to get it.

I spent most of my drive today trying not to succumb to vicious road rage, in doing so I contemplated what I hope the next month holds. While in my head I’m totally ready to get the hell on with it and I get totally overwhelmed with the thought of finally being pregnant (and having a healthy baby of course) I stop and the reality sinks in. Tomorrow is our appointment when we get details. Details about when, how many, how big, how much the injections will be. Details about the egg retrieval (see image above). Details about ICSI. Details about the transfer. Details about how much it will cost for us to have a baby (like the ones that drug addicts seem to have for free). Details about how many different sets of stirrups I’ll get to be in. Details about exactly how many strangers will see me naked. Details about how what should be the most intimate time of your life (“making a baby”) will likely be the most humiliating/embarrassing. Details about what the side effects of medication will be. Details about the odds that all the above will result in my uterus still being “vacant”. Yes, details, those little, seemingly insignificant, curve balls that DEMAND your attention.

I try my absolute best not to get “down” but I occasionally just have those days when I look around and wonder why. I try to pull myself out of by thanking God for things that I do have. As has been said many times, Happiness is wanting what you have, not having what you want.

Thanks for,

1. The baker (hubs)

2. Our house

3. The two furry little beasts that occupy it with us.

4. Best friends.

5. Jobs

6. Family

7. Miracle bras (ha.ha j/k)

8. Feminine hygiene products (ladies, just imagine life without them)

9. Hope (I see this one coming back to bite me in the ass)

10. Insurance

11. Good health

12. Faith

13. Google (you know I LOVE you)

14. Tears (I tend to store them up for loooooooooooong periods of time and it always feels so much better to purge them)

15. Humor

16. That I’ve been called “snarky”

17. The 3 C’s (chocolate, cheese, and cornbread)

18. A king size bed (b/c chef and I are to the two most sleep selfish beings on earth)

19. Oprah…seriously

20. Celebrity gossip. (can we just put an actual homing beacon on them all)

21. Razors (body hair skeeves me out)

22. Joy (though it’s currently escaped my grasp, it’s great when it’s here)

23. Romantic comedies (I can’t believe I didn’t think of this until #23)

24. Dishwashers and washers/dryers

25. Music ( Dre especially, did you know he’s “dropping” another disc this year..HELL YEAH)

26. Concealer (trust me, everyone who sees me daily should be thankful for this)

27. Remote controls

28. German cars (I’m such an import slut)

29. Doctors that have been through what we’re going through.

30. Blogging (this feels even better than I thought it would)

Nope. It’s what might be growing in my uterus. Bacteria. Nasty! After tolerating moderate stomach pain for 2 days (in addition to nausea just bad enough to make it on my radar) I made the executive decision to prematurely stop taking the prophylactic anti-biotics the RE gave me. These were prescribed as a precautionary measure to keep me from getting a raging uterine infection from the sono yesterday.

On to happier thoughts, our next goal.

#1: Make it through the shots.

#2: Generate huge whoping follicles (at least 15…though I’d like 20) like these (HOLY ****)

Daily Meds:

AM: Anti-biotic (ICK.)

PM: Anti-biotic (ICK.)/ BCP (ICK)/ Pre-natal vitamin (not so ICK as long as I don’t burp after taking it…then it tastes like fish, raw fish – not delicate and refined, expensive sushi)

True Story: Mrs. Yak goes to the RE for a saline sono to be sure that her womb is vacant before starting the happy fun time drugs. She has a good 5 days of birth control pills (which she loathes) in her system so that she “down regulates.”

RE: Some people do quite fine with the test but some find it quite painful.

MY: Oh, good.

RE: (procedure starts)

MY: (kicks….comes within inches of smashing the RE’s face. Whelps before deciding to that now is as good a time as any to start practicing “breathing.”)

RE: (popping her head above the “lap drape”) Don’t pass out on me !

MY: (still suffering through the sensation of feeling that someone is using a serrated knife to butcher her low back) I’m fine, are you almost done?

Procedure over. Pain over. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

I ran to the car and called my dear husband to inform him that this is very last appointment I will ever again allow him to skip. To that point, our next appointment is 01.31.2008 at 3PM for the pre-start visit. This will be the really fantastic “visit” where we learn all about injections!

Married to Yak: January 2006. “Discontinued” birth control : April 2006. Still not pregnant. Finally went to see reproductive endocrinologist at Presby Dallas in December 2007. Proceded with Clomid (25 mg daily for 5 days) cycle and IUI. Good ovarian response w/ 5 follicles (2 mature, 1 possible mature, 2 tiny). Still not pregnant. Rec’d diagnosis mid-cycle (we’re keeping this little pearl to ourselves) reached consensus with RE to move onto to IVF.