Bun Quest

I have a stellar immune system, which our baby has apparently hijacked.  I now, in addition to exhaustion and nagging nausea, have a sore throat and runny nose. Ugh. I’ll just use my down time to pray that this fleeting illness doesn’t harm our baby.

Friday night was “fun.” First, I sat out in the bitter cold while Baker nearly broke his hand/wrist playing softball. Then, I dropped Baker off at the ER for said injury and bolted home to get my “shot kit” as my HLM (hetero life mate) Ruggs would now be in charge of the shot. Drove to her place with my pants half off, sitting with an ice pack on the “target zone”…all the while with a cop following me (please, please, don’t pull me over…I’m really only have dressed and have whole bag of needles and vials of drugs, which the labels have melted off of, in the passenger seat). Got my shot, raced back to the ER. Turns out Baker has a wicked sprain, but no fracture. We got home at 10:30PM.

Saturday was my first real bout with hardcore nausea. Nothing would make my tummy happy. Nothing, except chocolate ice cream from Baskin Robbins, which I ate after I choked on a mouthful of OJ and my prenatal vitamin. Ugh.

 Sunday, my stomach has quieted down and the extreme exhaustion has increased. I was motivated enough only to go find ham (cooked, honey baked ham) which I had been craving since Saturday AM.  Thank goodness I found some, because my next move was to by an entire ham, cook it, and eat it like an apple (slicing is such a waste of time when you’re this hungry).

Also, every body raves about “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”, but I read the first 200 or so pages and have found it lacking the level of detail that I need and I feel like it answers most dire questions with “every pregnancy is different, please consult your physician.” Anyhow, I went book shopping on Saturday and found the most fantastic book, if you like every single nitty gritty detail, with full color pictures of exactly what is happening to both you and your baby and like to feel as though you’re as educated as possible – short of going to med school yourself. Despite it’s cheesy title it is extremely helpful. It is…

 “I’m Pregnant” A week-by-week guide from conception to birth.

by  Lesley Regan, MD  (Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology)

Went for the ultrasound today and there is one sweet ‘lil sticky bun baking in the Oven!!! The Bun even has a heart beat, although the cute little flicker is still too small to measure!

Introducing the Bun (the little white line with two “marker” dots at each end, in the middle of the black sac)!

This is the Bun’s home, the inner yolk sac (the little white circle) and the gestational sac (the black part).

And regarding my weight gain…my ovaries are massive. Dead serious, we’re talking about their weight in pounds, not ounces. Also, there was minimal free fluid, meaning that I have the slightest case of OHSS, very slight. And then of course there’s the Bun and the Bun’s sac, and the fact that I can’t stop eating or sleeping!!!

So there I was laying face down getting my PIO shot. The Baker took the needle out and then I felt it…warm liquid running (strike that), gushing down my ass around my hip and onto my white sheets. “Is that the PIO?” I ask…pregnant pause…..”uh.” Then I went into emergency mode. Yes, there was blood, bright red, fierce blood pouring out of me onto my WHITE SHEETS. It took two paper towels partially soaked to stop it. It took me one frantic trip to the washer, one circle band aid, one call to my nurse friend (MC!), and one mug of Baskin Robbins chocolate ice cream to recover. The Baker is still recovering, he hates blood…even in minor amounts. We’ve concluded that we hit a capillary which, given the minor bloody right nostril I’ve had for 6 days, are running rampant in my body!

Not much to report here. I’m very excited for our ultrasound on Thursday, which of course scares me slightly and makes me feel like I’m walking into a huge trap. Oh, well. I think I’m adjusting, finally, to being pregnant. (please God, don’t take this away from me!) You know, I feel like my body is my body rather than “me” plus 10 – 12 pounds, plus perpetually sore boobs. I’m getting used to running on empty so to speak and to having my eyes wide shut. All small prices to pay and nothing compared to the sleep deprivation of a newborn…or two.

I’ve been slacking off on the blogging lately. Mainly because I feel like a barge and am either sleeping or eating, so I’ll recap on the biggies that I should have posted much sooner.

1. I caved. I called SuperNurse, who of course was SUPER and has scheduled an early ultrasound for us on 03.27.2008 just to reassure me that everyone is in utero!!! We may or may not see heartbeat/s, we should expect not to at this early stage.

2. Saturday morning I had a rare mini burst of energy and went shopping. Baker and I went into Restoration Hardware, out of curiosity I decided to try out their scale. I mean, I feel like an oil tanker, so I wanted to see how much I’m worth at $3.47 a gallon. That mutha said that I weigh…110 lbs. O……M……….G…….Becky. That’s 12 lbs. over my pre-IVF weight, and 10 over my weight at the egg retrieval. A 10% increase in body weight.

3. Slowly, but surely my overwhelming fears are being replaced by excitement. Thanks for all your prayers!

4. The Baker is learning what it’s like to run the house, literally, you know cook and clean and stuff. He hates it!

5. Here was my Easter. Awake at 9AM. Cook breakfast, eat breakfast, get back in bed. Sleep until 11:34AM. Shower, go to lunch. Grocery shop. Nap from 2:45 – 5:30. Church was to be at 6PM, I couldn’t wait to eat, so we skipped church and went to dinner. Blog. Shot. Watch sermon on DVD ( I mean I need some church, and seeing as how I couldn’t sacrifice even a slight delay in eating, learning via DVD is the absolute least I can do in return for God sacrificing his first born…which is taking on a whole new meaning now days.)

6. The 6 Week belly shot – behold the barge belly.

Google all your little aches and pains and about whether or not you are entirely too big to be just 5 weeks pregnant and whether or not this means there might be an issue. Or worry that the left side of your belly is slightly higher than the right. Just relax and pray, it’s really all one can do…and wonder if she should beg for an early ultrasound just to be sure that there is a sac/are sacs in utero. Would this be doubting God? I decided that God knows how I am, and wouldn’t be offended if I just needed some reassurance. We’ll see.

Infertility seriously messes with your heart.

I am loving being pregnant, but trying to relax is taking an actual conscious effort. I feel like if I just assume that all is well and go on being pregnant like nothing bad could happen, you know…let my guard down, that somehow this is disrespectful to God, and that I’m showing him some element of taking all this joy for granted, like I’m ungrateful or something. Clearly, that’s not true. I know that God has blessed me and that I should just quit the internal banter and enjoy it. It’s just easier said than done.

I cannot say enough how much I am absolutely adoring being pregnant and how lucky I feel that our very first IVF worked. I do however, feel generally icky. I feel tired. I feel ravenous…like I might have to eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice (non-alcoholic) chianti should you even dream of stalling me in getting food. I am so hungry all the time. I eat so much that I get bored while eating and inpatient with how long it’s taking me to feel full, so I give up and just deal with being hungry until I get so starving that I feel nauseous. It’s a vicious cycle. I am bloated beyond bloated….at times, like the end of the day when there are at least 4 – 5 full meals just lingering in there, twice the size of my egg retrieval bloat. I am incapable of “passing” (this is my official attempt at delicacy) anything that doesn’t appear like a handful of playground rocks (you know those little ones they put under the swings and such?). I feel twinges here and there, and every now and then a random cramp. I just keep remembering how much I love being pregnant, and how much all my other “blog friends” who are still trying would love to trade me places, and then I feel guilty for feeling icky.

To get me through the past week I have been constantly telling myself that I have God and therefore do not need superstition. I failed miserably at times, and for those of you who spoke to me during our little waiting game for the second beta on Friday, it might not surprise you to know that I was a little edgy because we didn’t get to park in “our” spot, the elevator literally shut in our face, and we walked the blood to the lab ourselves. Anyway, so this morning the Baker and I went to breakfast and I casually mentioned that I wanted to go to a baby store “just to look.” His reply (with accompanying look of horror), “so we’re not going to buy anything?” I said, “of course not, no buying things till after the first trimester.” He says, “you must know that the worst possible thing you can do to a man…”. So I had to confess, “I’m still having a hard time believing that everything is OK, and that we have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby (or 2) in there, and I just want to be sure that I get to indulge a little, just in case this dream gets taken away from us.” To the baby store we went.

And then to counter this act of superstition, I bought some maternity jeans after discovering that my zipper on my regular jeans (even with a bellaband) was starting to break skin. I was shocked that the maternity jeans fit perfectly. I had been a little afraid that they would be huge and the sales women would laugh that I thought I was even remotely big enough for maternity, especially when I told them that I was just starting my 5th week. I will take a picture, but in the mean time I’ll just say that I’m a little bigger than my BLOAT picture from after the egg retrieval.

Now, back to telling myself that it’s normal to feel little aches and pains while pregnant and that not everything is a sign of catastrophe. 

Beta #2 = 454!!!!!

Ultrasound at 3:30Pm on 04.08.2008!!!!!!